3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
