Dignity is for republicans.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
