Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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