whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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