Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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