just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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