Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
