Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
