Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
