if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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