he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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