i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
