I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
