Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
