Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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