Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
