I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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