I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
