so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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