I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
