I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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