My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
