i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
