hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
