How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
