bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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