Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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