Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't turn off my feet"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
