Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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