Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
