just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
