My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
