Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
only you would photoshop your dick
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
