So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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