he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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