I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
