my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
