I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
