Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
