im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
