CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
