I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
