i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
