Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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