that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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