jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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