how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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