i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if only i could text you this smell
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
