Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
