its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
