That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
