i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
