I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
