Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
