My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
