Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
