Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got inside last night via doggy door
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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