i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
