I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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