You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
