My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
