I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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