the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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