On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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