i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
