Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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