U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
