the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
